BACK TO THE BASICS - RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP

by Pastor Tom Haggar

Today we continue with the series Back to the Basics and we want to talk about teaching and training  our children about the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.  That is pretty basic and we’re trying to get Back to the Basics.  Our question is  Why and how do we do this?  That

is a great question for us and we’ll try to answer that as we think of Christian Education as a collective responsibility of family and church.

You have heard the transforming love of Jesus Christ these last two weeks. 

Pastor Eldon talked about how that love changed  lives for the better.  We first heard  of a lonely and loveless Samaritan woman, who came to the well, her well deep and dry, but she drank of the living water of Jesus Christ and that living water flowed through her to touch the lives of others.

  Last week we revisited the old story of the hated tax collector who in mid-lie crisis found himself out on a limb, his  pockets full but his life empty.   He fell into the arms of Jesus.  That filled his heart and in turn emptied his pockets.

That love is indeed amazing and life changing.  When we experience it, we are asked to share it. 

God never gives us something just for ourselves.  In fact we have a God-given responsibility to share it, actually to teach it, to pass it on to others, and especially to our children.

Josh McDowell has done a lot of research about people and their faith.  As a result he is very concerned, very concern that when our children walk out the doors of home and church and their faith is tried and tested, that their faith not be like a house of  cards, the slightest blow or bump, and they all fall down. 

A contemporary picture might be the levies of New Orleans.  Our levies of faith won’t be able to withstand the beatings of wind and waves of life’s storms or the variety of values and views in our culture unless we and our children are committed to Jesus Christ and know why he died and was raised for us. 

And don’t we want our children to grow in favor with God and with people?  Don’t  we want them to grow as fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ who serve him willingly and well?

We know it’s not easy, some children are just hard to teach or find it harder to learn, but we know it’s never to late to start.

Yakof Smirnoff in the book “America in Six rubles say, “America, what a country…you just add water to powdered milk and you have wonderful milk,  you just add water to powdered orange juice and you have wonderful orange juice, you just add water to powdered potatoes and you have wonderful potatoes, you just add water to powdered babies and you have wonderful…well, we have wonderful children but it’s not quite that easy is it?

How many of you remember Father Knows Best.  Well Robert Young, the father was asked by his real daughter why it was never as easy to be a family at home as it was on the show.  Young’s reply was “I have a good scriptwriter.”

Well, we have a good script writer too, in fact a great script writer, it’s God.  And God writes about teaching and training our children in the Bible.   The real problem is…following the script.

The script tells us that we are to teach in relationship, relationship, relationship…

Psalm 145. 4 says “One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts.”   And Deuteronomy 11.18-19 tells us about the words of God, “Teach them to your children.  Talk about them where ever you are, sitting at home, or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night.”

That is what is encouraging here in Aberdeen.   Many of you going are going

Back to the Basics, back to the book, to the script in study and prayer,  you are seeking and sharing with one another for answers to the question of,  what and how do we teach our children?  Let’s start at the beginning.

Let us start with the obvious, First, WE ARE DESIGNED FOR RELATIONSHIP

Then God said, “Let us make people in our image, to be like ourselves.”  Genesis 1.26 NLT

You might want to circle us.  We first see God is in relationship and wants relationship.  After

the first 25 verses we have God creating people for relationship.  Paul continues many, many centuries later to tell us what that looks like.

Under His direction, the whole body is fitted together perfectly.  As each part (you and I) does it’s own special work, it helps the other parts(you and I) grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love” Ephesians 4.16 NLT

Now God by divine design has created community.  We have our needs met in and by community, by relationship.  The problem is we in turn have created a counterfeit culture to meet those needs.  By that I mean we’ve expected work and wealth, play and recreation, the media and material life, sex or sorcery, the occult, drugs and alcohol meet the needs we can only satisfy in healthy relationships with others and with God.

The prevalent value-what is in it for me? We seek to satisfy self at whatever or whose ever expense

The prevalent consequence, the result…LONELINESS…we have a generation of lonely kids.

McDowell’s research indicates that Loneliness is EPIDEMIC, 60-70% of our youth can identify

loneliness as a problem in their lives.

It’s Cure???  The Antidote???   RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP

In Israel, Arie our guide kept saying that the key to Israel’s survival is LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION because if the country is to survive and thrive, water is essential. 

What is the concern of the mall businesses if Wal-Mart moves, LOCATION.  They would tell you to survive and thrive the key is LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

If the people of God are going to survive and thrive it is in RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP.

Why?  Because we are DESIGNED FOR RELATIONSHIP.  It defines us and is designed to meet our needs.

Second… we also know that,

WE TEACH/LEARN WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF RELATIONSHIPS

 “Place these words on your hearts.  Get them deep inside you.  Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder.  (That sounds kind of absurd, doesn’t it?  But think about the hats and shirts we wear with different stuff on them.  Think about some of the jewelry we wear or the tattoos on our bodies.  Don’t they say something about what we value?) Teach them to your children.  Talk about them where ever you are, sitting at home, or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night.”  Deuteronomy 11.18-19 MSG  

The scripture tells us that we are to impact and influence our children.  Josh McDowell has done some research that pretty much shows we don’t have the influence we once did as parents.

Let’s look at the chart.  It shows what influences our children most. 

In 1960 it was 1-Family  2-School   3-Friends/Peers  4-Church

In 1970 it was 1-Friend/Peers  2-Family   3-School   4-Media

In 1980 it was 1-Media   2-Friends/Peers  3-Family  4-School

Tell me some of the things you see changed from 1960 to 1980 

     Friends/Peers to #1, Media arrives, Church drops out

Tell me some of the things you see changed from 1980 to 2000

    Media is #1, church still is not in the top four

The church drops out from 1960 to 1980.  That makes some sense.   Think about it.   Max for most is 2 hours a week, Sunday School and Worship, 30 weeks a year…some more, some less.  That is 1-2% of our lives.  It makes sense when we think of the amount of time spent at church.

Practically this chart tells us  that our children and probably most adults now get their information off of a screen or out of a box. That is not all bad.  This morning you’ve gotten words to sing to God.  You read the words of the Word so that you might know more of God, and there is information on that screen that tells us something about ourselves.  So no matter how poor or polished a sermon is, a teachers presentation, whatever, it probably would have more impact coming of off a screen unless you have RELATIONSHIP,  RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIP.

 First we know that by divine design we are DESIGNED for Relationship.  Second, God wants

us to teach and learn in the context of Relationships. 

And third, lets list some connecting principals.

So our Third point THE CONNECTING PRINCIPALS OF RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, There needs to be CONNECTING BETWEEN PARENTS 

  “Out of respect be courteously reverent to one another.”  Ephesians 5.21  

You might want to circle courteously reverent.  It is double the meaning and double the fun.

We are to respect one another.  It is the parents responsibility respect one another and to model respect for one another.   A good little spit or spat is probably good once and awhile if both parties are negotiating in good faith.   If that is the rule rather than the exception, you probably know you can’t build a healthy relationship on that.  The real issue is the children.  There is an old saying, “When the elephants wrestle, the grass gets hurt.’  You might want to write that down so let me say it again,  “When the elephants wrestle, the grass gets hurt.”  What does it mean?  When parents fight, kids get hurt.  Some of you know about that hurt first hand.  It is not each to change or intervene but with God’s help it can be done.

Positive behaviors for moms and dads would be a date night to talk about the relationship and kids, and to talk to God.   Some of the young parents of the church participated in neat night of inspiration last week doing just that.  They came together for some testimony, some learning, and fun at the 1^st annual “Get Real” Conference.  It was a great night for Aberdeen First and for the Kingdom.

SECOND,  CONNECTING BEGINS WITH THE ADULT. 

Char should have written this.   When Jessi and I have had a little “defugultee”(Char’s word), or even big “defugultees” Char has suggested that I am the adult.  She couldn’t really tell, so she’s mentioned that once or twice…well, at least one or twice…well, maybe more that once or twice.  With some of your kids, they push your buttons and of course you never push theirs.   It is wise to remember that those of us that are the adults, are the adults.

“No prolonged infancies among us please…God want us to grow up, to know the whole truth and to tell it in love-like Christ in everything.  We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do.”   Ephesians 4.14-15 

Notice too, Christ is our model and we as adults are to model correct behavior for children.

Two year old Maddie each Sunday says, “where is my Bible, where is my Bible?” and then she

goes and finds it and takes it to church.  She has heard her parents say the same thing as the prepare for church each Sunday.  Isn’t that neat?

Or how about, “Fathers don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them.  Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Lord.”  Ephesians 6.4

And keep most in mind James 1.19  “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for anger does not bring about a righteous life that God desires.”

Really the key of this point is to be the adult and LISTEN before you act. 

Please do not hear there is to be no discipline, that is not the issue.  I know the pendulum of discipline has swung from harsh and rigid to permissive, way too permissive.  We seek balance, a balance determined by the quality of RELATIONSHIP.

THIRD, THE MAJOR CONNECTING POINT IS TIME.  

I want to translate time into presence as well.  We hear God promise to the Israelites as Jesus does to the people of his time that He will be there for them.  In Joshua 1.5 we hear God speaking to Joshua, “No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.  As it was with Moses, so I will be with you;  I will never leave your nor forsake you.” 

How many studies have you hear about that tell us that parents don’t spend a lot of quality time with the children in” meaningful” conversation even if we are running them here and there for ballgames, soccer, or a music lesson, for lunch at McDonald’s,  to work or to church, or even a  friends house.  It is under minutes and sometimes gets down to seconds particularly with fathers.  Some fathers don’t have time, they work to survive, to provide.

I understand that.  As I look at my life I know I made choices, some not good choices about work.   I am noted to be chief of sinner on this one, I even fell asleep at dinner in the formative years of my children.  I could have lost my family.  Thank God some things change, some people change.   I thank God as we see and hear of more and more of you as parents, especially fathers, being much more intentional about spending time and actually doing things with their children.  There is hope.

That time together is a time to affirm another.  Know that affirmation validates people, sincere compliments please, it has to ring true.  There is an old saying “you can fool a fool, you can con a con, but you can’t kid a kid.   Another caution don’t use gifts to substitute for time.

And another suggestion.  I know many of you have started this, start family rituals, silly or not begin some unique family rituals and events.   This is important.

The FourthCONNECTING PRINCIPAL, CONNECTING BELIEFS.

“Friends, let me go over the Message with you one final time—this Message that I proclaimed and that you made your own; this Message on which you took a stand, and by which your life has been saved. (I’m assuming that your belief was the real thing

and not a passing fancy, that you are in this for good and holding fast).”  I Corinthians 15.1-2

I want to say two things about this important connecting principal.

One is, we need to give permission to doubt and second is it may take failure to prove our love.

Expressions of doubt are often disguised attempts to seek the truth.  Our response needs not to agree with what is said but be reframed to validate the search, the integrity of the person. 

Josh McDowell told of a conversation he had with his son. Josh had written a program about teenage pregnancy, “Why Wait”,  His son asked if Josh would still love him if he was going to be a father and not married.  Josh said yes.  His son said but think of the embarrassment to you, everyone would think your are a hypocrite, how could someone write a program about teenage pregnancy  and his own teenager gets a girl pregnant?   Josh said something to the effect that it doesn’t matter what I’ve written and what I sell, what you’ve done, wrong or well.  I will forgive you and continue to love you as my son for you are more important to my than what I do, what

I write, or what other people think of me.   Sometimes proving one’s love for another is expensive. 

Well there you have it?  Something about the “Why and How we are to teach the faith”, to share

our faith with our children.